Ali Spagnola's Power Hour Drinking Game

Shot no.: 60
Song title: The End
Style: Swing
Your score: ∞

HOLYCRAPYOUDIDIT!! You made it to the final minute. The final song. The final shot. Way to bring your A game! You played amazingly and deserve to celebrate. Throw your ball caps in the air! Spike your shot glass! Line everyone up for the postgame handshake! Rip your shirt off and whip it around your head like a helicopter! Chest bump everyone on your team! (That one is especially hardcore if you’re female. Actually, so is the one before it.) Jump into a team dog pile! Dump the cooler on your coach! Oh wait. . . that would be me. Ok, skip that step.

Of course, I immediately suggest in the lyrics that you start the album over again. 60 Songs (and They’re All One Minute Long) is 60 times catchier the second time you come around to it. And this time you’ll actually drunk dial for track 3, Drunk Dialing.

This boppy swing tune is my sign off for a fabulous hour with you. It’s meant to have the atmosphere of, “We’re wrapping it up, folks!” The middle of the song has some extended instrumental time so when I’m playing with my live band, I can let each member solo and then announce them.

So again, congratulations on experiencing the entire power hour. And guess what. You won!

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Lyrics:
Congratulations! The end
Feel free to start again
Congratulations! The end

Congratulations! The end
Feel free to start again
Congratulations! The end

Shot no.: 59
Song title: But You Drink Instead
Style: Hip Hop/Electro
Drinking’s odds of winning: 0 to 1

Hello ladies and gentleman and welcome to the battle over what to do tonight! In the red corner, weighing in at 90 ounces, we have a power hour! In the blue corner we have a tag team of taking out the dog and paying your bills! Ready? Fight! *Ding Ding*

Guess who wins. Drinking trumps paying bills and/or walking the dog every time. TKO. Drinking has also taken out calculus, finishing that PowerPoint, PTA meetings and cleaning (your house or yourself). It’s not even a fair fight.

I do have a solution to this issue, though. It’s something you’ve heard me say many times. The way to fix this unfair advantage is, “Everybody wins!” Hooray! This doesn’t have to be drinking vs. everything that sucks more than drinking. It can be you and drinking vs. everything you’ve got to get done! Get smashed and walk your dog! Get on that conference call while you get into some liquor! Finish that term paper while you finish a long island! Take a beer in your shower! So next time you have to fill in the blank in the statement “I have a ______ but I’ll drink instead”. Don’t drink instead. Drink as well!

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Lyrics:
Sometimes you have a ______ but you drink instead
Sometimes you have a ______ but you drink instead

Kid, project due, prescription to take
Career, need to shower, phone call to make

Sometimes you have a ______ but you drink instead
Sometimes you have a ______ but you drink instead

Bill to pay, dog to walk, family reunion
Yard to mow, meal to eat, something that’s not fun

Sometimes you have a ______ but you drink instead
Sometimes you have a ______ but you drink instead

Shot no.: 58
Song title: You’re Almost There
Style: J-pop
Point you’ve reached: The home stretch!

Two! Shots! Left! This one had to be faster than fast and higher energy than someone who did a power hour with Red Bull. The fact that every single line rhymes with every other line is a bonus. When I recorded this song I actually sang it a few keys lower and then digitally made my voice higher to give it that extra, chipmunk-on-speed quality that minute 58 really needed. I’m your biggest fan for this game and this song is me cheering you on to the end buzzer. Or I’m your coach and this is my last kick in your butt to get you to the finish line.

Check out in the video where my mic cuts out in the middle of the song because I’m fist pumping with it too much. Technical difficulties during my show are entirely acceptable as long as they happen in the last quarter of the game when everyone loves everyone and everything. Unconditional love is just one of the many happy side effects of getting this far in a power hour.

Now get to jumpin’ and fist pumpin’ because those activities are proven to incite the energy you need to get to the end of this game. This song is also helpful in case the party gets so crazy that people start wondering, “Where am I?!” The answer is: You’re almost there!

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Lyrics:
You’re almost there
So don’t despair
Two more shots if you weren’t aware
You must feel like a millionaire
Will you finish if you dare?
Any more shots you cannot bear
And to finish up you’re trying to share
To have to drink so much isn’t fair
You didn’t think you had a prayer
And if you cheat no one will care
If you missed a shot you’re unaware
You don’t look drunk I swear
Don’t look at others to compare
To get this far is really rare
It’s 90 ounces total so beware

Now go ahead and fix your hair
Is that what you’re gonna wear?
Because you must prepare
To go out into the night air
Or maybe just pass out right there
All you can do is sit and stare
Just don’t fall out of your chair
You’re almost there

Shot no.: 57
Song title: This Song Drunk
Style: Pop
Reason for this experiment: Obligation
Conclusion from this experiment: Drunk art is hard

It’s only fitting that I write at least one of these songs under the influence. I had to do it. For science! Sure, a ton of my titles and lyrics came from notes I’d written down while I was out drinking with friends and got inspired, but for this song I made a point to compose it under the influence. It was a pain in the butt because I’d have to get behind my piano to write after 2 AM when I’d get home from the bar. Although a couple of times I just cracked open some beers because I wanted to work on it. Yes, I’m that dedicated and serious about my art.

When I tell you in the lyrics to leave drunk songwriting to trained professionals, I mean it. This was hard and stupid and not a good idea. This track took me forever and is dumb. I repeatedly rhyme “drunk” with “drunk. And the rest of the song doesn’t rhyme at all! Lyrics that state, “Something this song drunk” and “You are this song drunk”? What was I thinking?! Luckily we’re past the point in the game where people will be judgmental.

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Lyrics:
Uh, ho, one, two, three, four
I wrote this song drunk
I might be playing this song drunk
You’re probably hearing this song drunk
Mmm this song drunk

Come on, oh yeah, now don’t you think it’s fitting
That I would write a song when I’ve been drinking
‘Cause this right here it is a power hour
And you’re drunk, too

I wrote this song drunk
Something this song drunk
La la this song drunk
Mmm this song drunk

Now don’t you dare go trying this at home
Just leave drunk art to trained professionals
‘Cause I thought this would help me be creative
But I was wrong

I wrote this song drunk
You are this song drunk
This is this song drunk
Mmm this song drunk

Shot no.: 56
Song title: You Won’t Remember This Song
Style: Electro/Dubstep
Amount of times you can hear this song for the first time: Infinity

The title says it all. This is track 56 and there will be no record that it ever happened. I once actually forgot to play it at one of my concerts. Needless to say, no one noticed. Getting to this song really takes the pressure off of my live shows. It’s a performance where I in no way have to perform! Of course it’s a shame that no one will recall watching my popping and gliding dance moves. Good thing the video below made a record of my move busting.

A dubstep song with grammar jokes? Yeah I couldn’t have gotten away with that earlier in the album. When I’m performing the power hour with my live band, I play the guitar for this song using a beer bottle. It’s a hilarious, warbly mess that makes you feel drunker than you already are. But of course, I have no proof it’s ever happened. I wonder how much I could get away with on stage for minute 56. It’s like I have my own Men In Black mind eraser pen and I get 60 seconds to do whatever I want. Aren’t you wondering what I’ve already gotten away with?

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Lyrics:
At this point your memory is gone
You won’t remember this song

I could screw it up and sing it all wrong
You won’t remember this song

I could even do grammar wrong
You won’t remember this song

It doesn’t even have to rhyme
You won’t remember this song